ASOS dress and coat / Zara OTK boots / Proenza Schouler bag / lack of color hat
The time has come to talk about what a lot of you have asked me privately. I do have to admit, just the sound of these two phrases ‘destiny’ and ‘true love’ triggers a sever rolling syndrome in my eyes. I can tell you right away – I don’t believe in destiny, but for the second one the answer is not that simple.
The ancient Sanskrit legend talks about designed love, a karmic connection between souls that are fated to meet and collide and intoxicate one another. The legend says the loved one is instantly recognised because he/she is loved in every gesture , every expression of thought, every movement, every sound and every mood that prays in their eyes. The legend says that we know him or her by their wings – the wings that only we can see – and because wanting him or her kills any other desire of love.
It is hard to believe that the same people who followed the Sanskrit were approving of arranged marriage which is still very present in every social layer in India, but this is a discussion for another time.
I think it’s a lovely legend but I simply cannot choose to believe in it. I most definitely won’t accept the truth to be that we all have a soulmate, singular. What would that mean for those who are divorced or lost their loved ones? Can we make a mistake and miss our (fated) love? I’d say ‘nope’.
Back in the days when the legend was first spoken out, or even more recently when our parents were falling in love, those times were different. You’d spend all your life in the same town or the same country, you’d meet a person and you would live the same life, unchanged till death did you apart. And even when it wasn’t easy to stay together with your ‘soulmate’ back then, you had to work it out as separation was inexcusable, socially and financially. Now in the age of world having no boundaries as where one can live, age of Internet, Skype and Tinder the rules are different. We are forced to evolve and change much faster than our parents were. I left home when I was 18, when I was 22 I had to build a life in a foreign country all by myself. Now I’m 28 and I have no clue where I’m going to celebrate my 30th birthday. In times like these when you meet someone when you are 18, you will most definitely not be the same person with 25, nor 30, nor 40. Chances are you and your partner ideas, goals and pathways will change and sometimes these will go in different directions. If I would be to follow what old Sanskrit tells, rather than saying I haven’t experienced “true love”, I would say I have had more than one soulmate in my short life. Some where a glimpse and some ended in beautiful long relationships, but all of them shared that magical predestined feeling of ‘could this be the one’. And rather than saying they weren’t ‘the one’ I choose to believe that for that period of time in my life they were indeed ‘the one’ but as it happens, people change and people fall out of love.
Some people don’t understand the term ‘falling out of love’, but rather choose to call me picky, demanding and stubborn. Yes, I am picky and demanding and stubborn but this is not the reason why I am not settling down. My mom always says that any man that wants to be with me, better have a good pair of sneakers. She, as proud as she is of all my accomplishments, I believe would be the happiest if I’d settle down, but she knows me too well so she tries to be as supportive. And she’s right, I am running wild but I am certain there’ll come a man that will have that perfect pair of sneakers to not only run next to me but push me across every finish line. We shouldn’t settle for anything less than a kind of love that shakes us out of our core, for a person that not only makes us happy but also makes us a better person. And if we do meet such a person, we can only hope it will last.
So, don’t worry. Only a person who has never experienced love needs to believe in love, the rest of us – we know it’s there. What I do believe is that we need to stop worrying. It’s is good to sometimes run on your own too ;-) Let go of the past, stop figuring out precisely how you feel, stop deciding exactly what you want and just see what happens. The best surprises come unexpected ;-)